I wanted to talk about an Irish Artist today which I have discovered in my local gallery but his work is not available online so I will have to postpone this post til I got back to the gallery and take some picture of his works.
In the meantime, I have a post to write and I am not too sure what to write about. Well I know what to write about but I am not sure I am brave enough to share it with the outside world.
Oh darn it all. Let's do it.
I have been through Hell for the last week. Because yes, I have sent it away.
I hesitated upon every word, hesitated to add this part or that, removed this sentence or that, did the research to whom to send it to (very time consuming)
And now, it is sent.
It is out.
So now, all I have to do is wait but of course, they say you are not supposed to wait, you are supposed to keep writing. Well I can't. Not at the moment. I feel like I am in a state of gestation. Not too sure what I should be doing next.
I am doing a little bit of research on a possible second Book but I am not really in it.
I feel lately -and that was before I sent the manuscript- very out of touch.
Not only with myself but with others, with my family, with my friends. I feel I am living in a bubble which is about to burst on me. Very unsettling.
While I wrote this I find it very hard to focus on anything. Read or even watch T.V and my mind is wandering back to that "thing". Yet I found the reading process quite essential to find inspiration but being where I am now I can't really do anything. So I am trying to go out and even that, is difficult.
I don't feel like doing much.
Thinking or should I say assessing my life.
Do I want to have my writing ruling my life the way it is ruling it at the moment?
Am I being extreme? Yes. Should I cut back and return to reality? Yes and yes.
Of course I should.
I only started to write this book as a personal challenge to myself and now it has taken my life completely. I know I should return to a life style that is a little more balanced. But it isn't an option at the moment.
In the meantime, I want to be ready for what comes out.
I don't want this decision to affect me too greatly.
I want to be serene and accept that this decision won't make me a writer.
I am a writer already. A very slow writer and a late writer but a writer nonetheless.
And if I don't reach the target, well I'll have to get more darts, won't I?
So my question to other writers who might be out there is, how many darts have you used? Do you feel you've running out of darts? How much closer are you to the target?