Wednesday, October 5, 2011

How to make a pestering sauce

As you may know or not, I'm trying to get published.

Now I have sent the queries about 2 months ago and I got some answers (not many and so far negative) but I'm still waiting for more replies and as I was agonising over the very reluctant idea of sending literary agents a reminder or cooking to postpone the very idea of doing it, this is the post that came out of it:

How to make a pestering (pesto) sauce:

Pestering sauce is about preparing the basic of how to be a writer by pounding it into you with a pestle in a mortar. Once you have done that:
*Take some nuts because you will need it.
*Don't need to be too generous on the olive oil because the road towards getting a literary agent is already slippery.
*Garlic to repulse your inner voices which will state you can't make it.
*Take a pinch of salt with the rejections.
*Some cheese because you will bound to say something cheesy when you will try to sell yourself. Don't take any type of cheese now, take some Parmesan cheese because you will need to be loud and extrovert like the Italians are in order to get published.

* Take 2 cups of fresh basil because a bit of greenery might all you'll eat for the next while.

Blend the chopped basil, oil, garlic and nuts at high speed until pureed - we are talking about the pestering sauce, not your brain - Pour mixture into a bowl and thoroughly mix in salt and Parmesan cheese.

Serve your pestering sauce to your hot drained brain top-list literary agents. If you can't get them, take your baked pumpkins - that's your cheeks, if anyone should wonder why, that's because your cheeks will blaze with fury or disappointment- and cool them down. For a little while.

Otherwise take your hot jacket potato, that's yourself and serve your pestering sauce to yourself.

Your pesto sauce is ready but if it tastes sour, blame the agents.

Been there? Done that? Feeling the same? Or not like that at all?
Leave a comment, I'd love to hear about it.


  1. Your idea of transforming querying into a recipe is good. I'm sorry to hear you're receiving negative responses, but remember how subjective this industry is. You don't want an agent who feels so-so about your writing. You want someone who's pumped about being your agent. There's someone out there for you, you just have to find him/her.
    BTW your reference to our brains being pureed is dead on. After months of querying it begins to feel that way, doesn't it?

  2. lol, that's an awesome pestering sauce. I especially like the nuts ;)

    Good luck with the rest of the responses you're waiting for.

  3. I have never heard of this sauce but it sounds yummy!

  4. @E.R King, I'd like that idea very much. An agent being that pumped about my story. I hope he or she will come sooner rather than later. But thanks for your kind word Emily as always.

    @Linda, I liked the nuts part too!

    @Clarissa, it's an Italian sauce and yes, it's very tasty.

  5. Sounds yummy, thanks for the recipe.